Your Butt Is Dirty, Add Wet Wipes To Your Daily Regimen

Published: 16th November 2011
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If you are still just using regular toilet paper as a means to getting clean after dropping a load then I urge you to re-think your degree of personal hygiene. I recall as a very young kid, my pops wiping my ass after I pooped. Everytime he finished by saying, "clean as a whistle!" It's those and other phrases my dad would say that will stick with me forever, but I remember never truly feeling as clean as a sparkling unused silver whistle, which is what I pictured each time he'd use the phrase. After all a whistle is something you put your mouth on, so it's crucial it's poop free, I've never felt my butt was sparkling enough after a shit storm to have an individuals mouth on it and not call it a health risk. That's because no matter how carefully you wipe there is still mud down there!! Duh, , you are using dry TP!

It puzzles me that someone who opts not to use wet wipes seriously feels like they are tidy down south by just dry wiping. It seems like common sense to me that folks should comprehend that dry TP exclusively is not proficient of leaving you sanitary after dropping a deuce.

Let's say you drop the brown kids off at the pool, wipe normally and are about to have intimate relations about an hour later. Would you feel sexy doing the ying-yang with a girl knowing you aren't clean down there? I can only think that Tucker Max would most likely favor to purposely neglect the wet wipe before sending a girl downtown, you absolutely wouldn't want a chicks ass in your face who hasn't showered since her last meeting with the porcelain gods. Is there a worse turnoff than the smell of uncleanliness? Even if you use an entire roll of toilet paper when you wipe, if you think that using even the best toilet paper is is enough to rid of all traces of doody, I challenge you to what I like to call the "wet wipe challenge".

The Wet Wipe Challenge

The wet wipe challenge, challenges you to drop a load, wipe Normally with regular toilet paper until you feel you're finished and then finish with a wet wipe and find what your butt cheeks were trying to hold onto. Yeah, pretty surprising right? You'll find the culprit of itchy bunghole.

I recall vividly the moment I realized wet wipes were for adults. It made so much sense, it was brilliant that companies started marketing them for adults. They are completely safe for septic systems and alcohol free. They are found in most major supermarkets, my personal favorites are Target's brand of Up and Up flushable moist wipes, though I believe you can only buy them in stores and not online. Cottonelle makes a good wet wipe as well. Inexpensive and a quality pop up dispenser is a must. I've gotten all my close friends and female prospects hooked on wet wipes, we talk about how we can never go back to crapping without them. I have a friend who has a travel pack in his desk drawer at the office. When it's time to get busy, he puts one in his pocket and takes it into the stall with him. Now that's commitment to a clean dumper. However I've heard a few complaints from people I know that just aren't reasonably into using wet wipes.

The Resistant

Their complaints are that they don't like the idea of a damp pooper after using the wet wipe. The other grievance is that they are embarrassed to have company find a box of wet wipes resting on top of the toilet. My ex would always hide them whenever visitors were coming over. I would ask her why I need be embarrassed that my butt is cleaner than theirs, and put them back in clear sight, as if exhibiting a trophy of hygiene. Virtually all wet wipes are merely moistened with aloe and Vitamin E, two things that are divine for an area as dark and dirty as the poop chute. The moisture is rapidly evaporated within seconds following using a wet wipe and for those who sincerely can't stand the clean fresh feeling then I propose wiping once more with dry TP for your closing wipe.

We aren't handed a guide on life when we're born, so I thought it'd be beneficial to create one on the approach of the unspeakable #2. It's time to cease using methods started by cavemen and commence wiping like the civilized nation that we are. It's simple:

Step 1: Make your deposit (in a toilet).

Step 2: Wipe with toilet paper.

Step 3: Conclude with wet wipe.

Step 4: Flush and wash hands (with soap).

Using this simple guide to shitting gives you that shower clean feel down south, it hinders dingle berries and leaves you feeling fresh and confident. It keeps the panties skidmark free and impedes itchy butt crack. Wet wipes can be used anytime you're desiring that refreshed feeling. It's possible you've been flatulent all morning after a box of hot pockets from last night, or you've got swamp ass at work and need to rid of it fast. Hit yourself with a wet wipe to get that immediate clean and invigorated derriere. Happy wiping.

Article by Ben Hanlon, advocate of clean butts via wet wipes. Benny B Demo is an owner and webmaster of sites aimed at tips for being better at life. It's a portal to taboo scenarios, pointers for everyday awkward situations, how to become like better person and must have products to make your life easier. All seen through the eyes of a 28 year old male.

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